2017 Dec: Another step on the journey with Cancer

16 Dec 2017

Greeting all from Cold Shenyang...it's already been -3 deg F below 0...and it's only December!  It's going to be a cold one!  At the end of my last entry talking about all the awards etc, I mentioned that I had something even more important and that is an update on Rod's journey with Cancer. I wrote briefly about it in Feb of 2017, but this time, I will go back a little further to tell the story of the past 2 years by again taking excerpts from my personal diary.   Rod was diagnosed with Prostate cancer in Oct 2006 and treated it with radiation beam therapy when we lived in SC.  This seemed to be effective for about 7 years...then in 2014 while we lived here in China, the symptoms came back and this PSA number was rising, so he treated it again with Alternative medicine and a Chinese treatment in Beijing using a direct injection method called umipic in combination with a hormone therapy and even a Tibetan traditional therapy.  This seemed to be effective for about 2-3 years...then the old symptoms came back accompanied by some new ones.  So if you want to see the current situation, you can skip all the way to the end of this entry...and see that the cancer has spread, to 4 places and  he has taken radiation treatments here in Shenyang.  The Doc is optimistic and so are we,  but we won't know anything for a few months when he gets the PET scan. Cancer is not have to be a death sentence.  It is chronic and must be treated or it will be a death sentence.  There are no guarantees in life with or without cancer.  Today, I remain committed to not let cancer rule my life and so does Rod...some days we are better at that outlook than others.  I share this story not to seek sympathy, I do it to give hope to others who are also on this journey or who live with someone who is...and also to seek prayers from anyone who is reading this.  We are both Christians and we believe in the power of prayer.  If that offends you, I suggest you skip this entry because there are many written prayers  and many many more not written here in our  daily journey.

Here, there, everywhere...cancer roller coaster

Jan 2016

It’s been awhile…such a nice adventure Christmas vacation in Thailand and Myanmar. But…in that vacation, Rod had symptoms of increased urination urges again…and also some blood in his urine….not a good sign. He will get a PET scan tomorrow, and then when we get results, we’ll have some facts on which to make a decision for next steps. He has already decided he’s not going to Beijing with Dr Yu. He hopes that if there is cancer, surgery is an option. He had the results of his PSA…and its 9.5. That is significantly higher than it was. Maybe the lupron is the trick…tomorrow is the first step for more facts. He will keep the nutrition program. Such a roller coaster of emotions with cancer.

 

Looking for answers where there are none

31 Jan 2016

It’s not possible to predict how long any of us will live…yet, I find myself looking on the internet trying to find a prediction, trying to find comfort, trying to look for answers to a question that cannot be answered.
According to what the doc told him today, his prostate cancer is stage 3b from the charts on the American cancer society website:

T3a: The cancer extends outside the prostate but not to the seminal vesicles.
T3b: The cancer has spread to the seminal vesicles.
T4: The cancer has grown into tissues next to your prostate (other than the seminal vesicles), such as the urethral sphincter (muscle that helps control urination), the rectum, the bladder, and/or the wall of the pelvis.

How long will it take to go to stage 4 ?
In May 2014 I don’t think it was in the seminal vesicles…so it took 2 years to go from 3a to 3b, and that was with the Lupron shot, and Flutimide drugs, umipic direct injection chemo treatments with Dr Yu in Beijing and alternative medicine Dr Dong at Myrtle beach and completely changing his lifestyle. The doc told him today that his survival estimate could be 2 years, 3 years, 5 years…but he didn’t day longer (or at least Rod didn’t tell me any bigger number)
That is the unanswerable question…The only real thing to do now is take the hormones and keep the testosterone that is feeding the cancer low…and keep his immune system revved up to the max, eat as cleanly as possible and stay detoxed.
Damn this cancer anyway.

Happy birthday to Rod

12 Feb 2016

Back in 2006 when you first got diagnosed with the cancer, it has been a roller coaster of emotions for both of us. You have grown so much spiritually and helped countless people all over the world since the day I heard you say it was cancer and my heart sank. My heart sank because my life, all I held dear was threatened by that word cancer. You treated with all the best treatments we could and I don’t regret any of them…they have given me our days together. I knew the bell curve by heart and I knew the odds…and you beat the odds!! Then 2 years ago, our world got rocked again…cancer was back…another series of treatments and another roller coaster ride…surgery was not an option, and you invested in you to get healthy from the inside out and even though surgery was not an option, you kicked it back again! Now, here we are in 2016, yes, we know the cancer is back…I know that your health lifestyle and hormone treatment, and who knows what else we can throw at it with the chinese medicine to knock it back again!
I continued to be amazed at the man you are today…still crazy after all these years, and so much more.  I am so proud of you Rodney and so grateful to be the person you choose to share your life with.
I ask God to give you many more days on this earth with me and to bless you with health, happiness, joy and much love. I love you Rodney Miller…no one else I would rather be with than you.
Happy 69th birthday…and may we both have 31 more together!!
Love you eternally…still!
Sarah

Take that you damn prostate cancer…you ain’t got me nor him yet!

Victory over Cancer in my mind...big step

14 Feb2016

It’s Valentine’s Day…ever since the cancer news, seems like I always fear this will be our last day…last birthday, last Valentine’s Day, part Chinese New Year, ….so I want to capture all the emotions, photos etc. Why didn’t I do this before? Too busy with my own little things in life and too busy to see the real things.
Can the cancer be a blessing in disguise? A blessing to help us be even closer and live and love each day to the fullest? I choose to think so today.
Today, I will not let cancer define me or my love for my husband, or my life. Today, I will embrace him and let him know I love him more than ever and be forever grateful for our lives together!
 I ask for the courage to continue to live each day with my dear husband and I ask that you give me many more days on this earth and give me the strength to face today and the future with love, strength and grace…no matter what.
Amen.

The Thrill of Victory...the Agony of Defeat

20 Feb 2016

Sometimes I feel more victorious over cancer than others…each time he has a day when he says he doesn’t feel good, I can’t help but think the cancer is spreading and sucking the life out of him before my eyes. I want to plan our life, like I always have, even if I know that plans can change…but they have always changed with us together. For the first time, I am faced with the real possibility that I may be growing old without him. Of course with the 13 year age difference, statistically that has always been the odds…but when we were younger, it always seems so far away…now it’s here on me. I try to enjoy each day, each moment and share our joys.
I ask God to remain victorious over cancer and not let it define him nor me. I ask God to bless us real good today and every day and if it be His will, give us may days together on this earth and let us fully enjoy each other. I ask God to bless him specifically today and heal him from the inside out. He’s been my life mate and the thought of going solo in this journey just sickens me. I know it can be done…I see friends do it and they have survived…forever changed, but they have survived. I love you Rodney, stay strong and keep making healthy choices.

Good news when you can get it!

14 July 2016

Got some good news yesterday…Rod’s PSA was 0.125! His new Lupron shot is ordered and he should be in by end of July..right on schedule! I love it when the plan comes together!
Thank you Father for this good state of affaires…we take each day one day at a time…I am grateful and praise You for healing a good day today. I continue to ask for acceptance of Your Will…easy when I think it’s good news..not so easy when it’s bad. Bless him Father, he’s my rock and I love him so. Not much else to add…no need to add!

A little Lupron today

26 July 2016

Rod got his 3 Month Lupron shot today, and he is also getting referred to a local urologist so that if he needs something to ease the symptoms locally, he has someone close. I’m grateful that he feels good today and other than knowing he has cancer, he says he feels great. He actually said if he didn’t know it, he would not believe he had it. It is 2016 now…he was first diagnosed back in 2006. He has been 10 years on the infamous bell curve of odds.
Dear Lord, thank you for your healing hand. Your grace to give us more days together.

PSA On the rise...again

25 Oct 2016

Today Rod got his PSA results and it was 2.53 PSA…that’s up from 0.125 3 months ago…a big jump. He didn’t speak to the doctor. He gets this 3 month hormone shot this week. Is it the first signs that the hormone shots are no longer effective? Is it timing of the test vs hormone shot? Too many questions tonight..none can be answered.
He says he feels good and has decided not to go to Dr Yu Baofa for additional treatment right now…

2016 ends and 2017 begins

2 January 2017

This time a year ago, Rod was getting ready to go to Hong Kong and learn once again that his cancer was. It operable, no real treatment other than the Lupron and diet, and he would hear, it could be 2 years, could be 5. Makes me take a deep breath to read that just one year later. What will I write in Jan 2018? Better to stay focused on today.
Rod seems to be doing Ok, still peeing a lot, still having some unexplained pain. He mentioned on the long flight home that he wants to make it to 70 (which he will be in Feb 2017) and then he will make his goal 72. I continue to keep my head in the sand and believe he will live as long as I do.
Today, Father, I ask for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I ask that you continue to bless us and give us long days on this earth together and when it is our time, let us be the example you want us to be.

A wonderful Hawaiian Family Christmas Dec 2016

Creeping up

19 Jan 2017

Today Rod had his PSA test today. 3.22… creeping up from 2.53. It’s not as fast as I feared, yet it’s still going up. We have not had any discussions yet about these results, other than him saying “doubling”… the reference to the speed of the cancer growing.
I hate cancer..I just hate it.
Father, I ask that you grant Rodney many more days on this earth with me. Help me to accept Your plan. Help me to be supportive of Rodney and his mission here on earth. Help me to be positive and take maximum time with him while he’s here!

 

You made it to 70 Rod!  Happy birthday!  Let's keep it going!

 

Back aches makes my heart ache 

April 2017

Lately, Rod has been having back trouble…For prostate cancer the first place it goes after it leaves the prostate and seminal vésicales is the back. In his most recent scan there was nothing confirmed..so we were of course happy about that. Now, I worry anew. He said he feels like it’s a spasm..is it something that comes with being 70? Is it the cancer? Do we both have our head in the sand by not going to get a test? What good would a test do other than confirm or deny suspicions..there is no treatment other than nutrition, supplements and exercise…we’ve already confirmed that.
Father, I come to you thanking you for all you have provided for us and for our life together up until now. I ask for your healing hand to touch Rod and your healing breath to breath on him. I ask for many more days together here in earth if it be Your will.  I love you Rodney and we love You Father and we love and thank You Jesus.

Rod and Sarah's anniversary trip to SuZhou, China

Double trouble

11 July 2017

Today , as I write this, I have learned Rod’s latest PSA score of 7.96, up from 3.22 in January..that is doubling in 6 months. It’s not good news. I’m on vacation with My sister Patricia who is celebrating cancer free. Squeezed between 2 cancers. It is such a downer..I’m numb. I want to enjoy my vacation, but I can’t help thinking about Rod’s cancer. He said he felt bad earlier this year, he told me after the fact that he was passing blood and now we see this result of the PSA even with the lupron. Is this the end of the lupron effectiveness? Will he go to see Dr Yu? I just don’t know. He does not know either. I sent him a note to tell him I’m not going to let cancer rule my life and neither is he..easy to say, it so easy to do. I really don’t even know what that means today. I’m numb, just numb.

On the rise again

21Oct 17

I just got back from a business trip to Shanghai and all this week, I’ve been texting back and forth to Rod…he had the PSA test again and as I thought, it is higher again registering at 11.71, up from 7.96 in July…that almost doubling in 3 months, and tripling in 9 months…so the velocity is increasingly higher. This time, I think he is reconsidering going to Dr Baofa again in Beijing…now, talking to Dr’s here in Shenyang to get a full PET scan to see where it is, and assuming it is somewhere that has not had the direct inject method, (like on the outside of the prostate gland where it meets the neck of the bladder) then he can delay it spreading again. This time 3 years ago we were in Beijing doing exactly the same treatment.
Father, I come to you, praising you, asking once again that you let Rod stay here many more days, weeks, months, years with me here on earth. You know I will be lost without him.

Backbone flip

27 Oct 2017

As feared, the PET scan confirmed the cancer has returned and now it has metastasized on the backbone and pelvis. The doc here in Shenyang said the treatment is to change hormone brands and take radiation treatments (5/week x 6 weeks) starting immediately.
Rod has confirmed he will do this.
I can’t lie, it’s not good news.
The docs in Hongkong told him no other treatment options...here in Shenyang they are telling him since it's been so long since the last radiation treatment (>10 years), it's OK.  We are trusting the Shenyang doctor...what other choice do we have?  In Jan 2016 he had 2-5 years to live..so here we are almost 2 years since that date.
Father I ask that you give us many more years together.

Round 3: Life 3, Cancer 0

31 Oct 2017

Yesterday, Monday, Rod was tested, targeted and actually did his first radiation treatment 72 hours after getting the PET scan result. That is amazing. That would have never happened in this amount of time in the US! Rod paid 50,000 RMB up front on the account at the hospital and his friend the Chinese doctor David, head of oncology is making sure he gets the best treatment. They did a bladder scan today and said that a type of necrosis cancer (not a tumor, but another type) was eating through his bladder Wall, so he said he would treat it too with radiation. 4 different places : bladder, prostate, pelvis bone and tailbone. It’s scary to read that. He is sore tonight. They told him he would get sick about week 5…he says he’d already sick on day 2. It’s going to be tough on him.
I just pray that God’s will be done in our lives and if it be His will that he give us many more years together. I ask God to give me understanding of His will and to give us both strength.

2 down, 4 to go

11 Nov 2017

Two weeks ago Rod started the radiation treatment for the cancer. He has only been really sick one time, but he’s starting to get really tired. I can tell his hips and back are hurting him when he walks. He’s starting to get dark circles around his eyes. Most days he still has a good attitude, and he told me last night that he is noticing he doesn’t have to pee quite as often as he did before. I take that as good news, at least he doesn’t have to live next to the toilet all the time. I hope this radiation treatment lasts a long time…I have no illusions that this will cure the cancer. I’m just hoping to prolong his life with a good quality of life.
I love him so much and I wish I could help him. I thank God we are living this close to the hospital. He is able to walk there every day to get his treatment.
I ask God to bless him, give him strength and give us both peace of mind.
Love you Rod, may we have many more years together!

4 down, 2 weeks to go

25 Nov 2017

Rod has completed 4weeks of the treatment…his rear end is getting radiation burns and his hips hurt and his back hurts. I took off on Thanksgiving day to accompany him to his treatment. It hurts me to see him in pain and not able to help him.
I pray he can endure the coming two weeks and I also pray we get a reprieve for this cancer…kick it down the road again. I am so grateful for our time together, but I’m selfish and I want more. I look for all of the small pleasures to make me feel good, anything to ease my fears and doubts.
Father, I ask you to grant I’m many more long days on this earth to help even more people that only he can reach. I love you Rod, you can do it!

Rod walking on his way to get treatment at the hospital in Shenyang

Rod in front of the hospital at Shenyang...this is just one building...there are many!

Rod inside the radiation treatment waiting room...everyone gets a mold made, then this mold is put in a bag with a tag and all of the patients keep their bags on these racks..come in get your bag and wait.

Rod with Dr David in the radiation area treatment area.

The radiation room patient just before Rod still on the table..it's an assembly line of radiation treatments..that machine never stops (except when it breaks down...which it did on the day I went with him!).  The return on investment must be pretty quick on this machine as much as it gets used!

Rodney and I enjoying our Thanksgiving dinner at the hotel where we live.

Can't keep a good man down

8 Dec 2017

Today is a very special day. It’s the last day of Rod’s radiation treatment. I’m in Chengdu, Sichuan province with my team visiting a customer..but that is not why today is special..today, at 3:30, when I was visiting Qingcheng Shan mountain, a Daoist temple, I got the following message from Rod:
“Finished. Then took a CAT Scan Very good report. Thank You Lord… and Dr. David. And all who prayed for me”.
I just burst into tears. Tears of joy. I told some of the people on my team, I even hugged one of them…something that is not done in China! I couldn’t help it..I was just over come. I bought 2 candles and I lit them for Rodney and me and Thanked God, and I’m still thanking God！I wanted that moment to last..the joy that filled my soul was nothing like what I had experienced before..just so grateful.
Thank you Father for once again leading us to be in the right place at the right time and get the best treatment. Thank you Father for working through Rodney again and again. He is your trusted servant. Thank you for him and his never ending love for me and mine for him and for yet another lease on life! Bless him Father and All glory and honor and praise be given to You.
Amen

At the Taoist Shrine in Chengdu, China on the day Rod finished his treatments

Sarah lighting a candles for the Miller couple on the day Rod got is CT Scan and the Doctor saying the results looked good.  Taking picture is not allowed here...but when I told one of my team members the good news, I asked him to take some photos...and he did...I'm so grateful to have this moment recorded in time.  8 Dec 2017.

 So, there we are...Rod has kicked the can down the road again...for how long, we don't know.  I just thank God we are where we are today.  In Jan of 2017, I was wondering what I will write in Jan 2018...well, I don't know, but I have every hope and belief I will be writing about our nice cruise we have planned here in Asia.  We intend to have a wonderful relaxing vacation.  Rod still does not feel so good and we knew this would be the case...the radiation sickness is real and so is the pain from the cancer.  
Thank you Father for the time we have had and I ask that you bless us and give us many more years together.

Sarah & Rodney in Shenyang, China